Stress, Mess & Evolution

Getting Through Life’s Messy Moments with Strength and Growth

Life can be filled with unresolved emotions, attachments, and patterns that seem to hold us back. But within these challenges lies an invitation for growth and self-discovery.

Hey look, I totally get it if you just want to GET RID of old thoughts and emotions, and just blank them, numb them, or avoid them. But there’s a better way to transform those experiences into growth, wisdom, and true freedom.

You can only self soothe for so long until things really start to STINK. Awareness, looking lovingly, learning processes to process emotions, self-inquiry are all tools we can use so that we can learn transform roadblocks into stepping stones on the path to liberation.

 

Getting Through Emotional Patterns with Clarity

When we find ourselves stuck on something or someone from the past, the mind can easily replay memories, bringing emotions along for the ride. But we don’t have to stay caught up in those loops. Here’s how to start breaking free:

  • Notice the Pattern: The first step is noticing when these thoughts and feelings come up. This awareness alone is a small win because it allows us to interrupt the usual script.
  • Use Visualization to Let Go: Techniques like shrinking the image of a memory, making it black and white, or “pixelating” it can help. It sounds simple, but you’d be surprised at how effective this can be to take the emotional charge out of a memory.
  • Reconnect to What You Really Want: Often, we think it’s about that specific person or moment, but it’s actually the feeling we want. That’s the real insight—knowing you can recreate those positive feelings within yourself, no external validation needed.

Trusting Yourself to Handle It

One of the biggest things that holds us back is the idea that we’re somehow at the mercy of our own thoughts. But here’s the truth: you’re in the driver’s seat. It’s just a matter of trusting yourself to navigate.

  • Challenge Your Beliefs About Control: Remind yourself that thoughts don’t define you. You have them, but will you REALLY surrender to them, and do so with negative emotional conviction? NO! Rise up and challenge beliefs lovingly knowing that they are really there to protect you in some way. 
  • Empower Your Own Voice: The way you talk to yourself matters. If you’re always saying, “I can’t do this” or “I’ll never get over it,” you’re reinforcing those beliefs. Instead, flip the script. Choose words that affirm your strength and capability.
  • Make Time for Meditation and Reflection: Finding a moment each day to sit with yourself, notice your thoughts, and let them pass helps you build inner calm. You’ll feel more centered and more capable of handling whatever comes up.

Having a hard time achieving this? Book a call and experience it right away. 

Invisible Forces That Move Us

Uncovering Beliefs, Overcoming Disappointment, and Embracing Personal Growth

In the vast landscape of our lives, it is crucial to call upon the powers of mindfulness and self-awareness without judgment. In this space of openness, curiosity, and self-observation, we embark on a profound journey of exploration. Today, we gather to delve into the realm of invisible forces, to understand the intricacies that shape our actions and emotions.

Like wind that moves a tree, there are unseen forces that move us to act, not to act, to react or to sit in silence and observe. Sometimes we find ourselves behaving in harmful ways to ourselves or others, and we have no idea why. 

In those situations there can be unconscious programs that run our behavior. 

When we find ourselves instantly reacting to a situation, and we find ourselves in an emotional state like anger, but at the same time we don’t want to be, then we can see how we are being moved by something unseen. The most common thing to say is that the other person or the situation is causing the anger… but is it really true? Could it also be true that on some level, we are instantly perceiving the meaning of a situation, and also that that perception could be less than the full picture?

Beliefs, paradigms, identity, desire

Beliefs play a vital role in our lives, shaping our identity, behaviors, and perspectives on life. These invisible paradigms weave intricate webs that govern our thoughts and actions. Often, these beliefs are deeply ingrained, whispering what is true, what is possible, and who we are. We look out and see ‘reality’, but more often than not, we look out and see only a projection of beliefs that are often unquestioned. 

“We can’t solve the problem from within the consciousness that created the problem” – Einstein.

To transform, we need to move beyond concepts, beyond mind, beyond identifying ourselves as a ‘self’ that is consistent with the stories we have about who we are and the past.

It is essential to peel back the layers of our consciousness, to uncover the origins of these beliefs. By questioning their validity, we can challenge the limiting beliefs that hinder our growth and create new paradigms that align with our desires and aspirations.

Amidst the cacophony of external expectations and societal pressures, we must strive to reconnect with our authentic desires. Society often imposes limitations and suppresses our innermost longings. But within the whispers of our soul lies a map leading to joy, purpose, and fulfillment. In the stillness of introspection, we allow ourselves to hear those whispers and embrace the beauty of our authentic desires.

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Overwhelm is not a sign of weakness, but an invitation for growth.

It is a journey that requires courage and a willingness to face discomfort. We must shed the fear of disappointment and the weight of societal judgment. As we unearth our authentic desires, we unlock the transformative power of a purpose-driven life. We discover the extraordinary within the ordinary and embark on a path that aligns our actions with our deepest desires.

Much of the strategies we have put on autopilot to navigate life were from a time where those strategies were the best we came up with. Many of our unconscious behaviors date back to early childhood. The brain is an incredible store house and machine built to serve us. Even what we often perceive as harmful behaviors are there to protect and serve us… if we have the courage to sit and stillness to listen.

The good news is, we have the power to transcend limitations, to liberate ourselves from unconsciousness, and to create a life filled with purpose, fulfillment, and abundant growth.

That the journey of personal transformation is not linear nor without challenges. It is a continuous process of self-reflection, introspection, and conscious choice. By understanding the unseen forces that shape our lives, we empower ourselves to navigate through the complexities of existence with grace and resilience.

If you’re ready, it would be my honor to help. The journey begins with one free call. You will be amazed what can happen in a short period of time. https://bit.ly/3P3VPRG

Forgiveness and Reincarnation

THE HIDDEN POWER OF FORGIVENESS

Have you ever noticed generally feeling better, lighter, freer when you forgive?

Think of a time now where you forgave someone for something they had done that was harmful or hurtful in some way. Without needing to know what forgiveness is, or what it means, you probably have an innate feeling of what it CAN DO. Isn’t that a wonderful feeling? 

Notice how you feel it. What happens when you forgive someone? Does your body relax in the belly or chest? Do you feel tension drain from your forehead and jaw? Just be aware of it. 

Forgiveness is experienced and the body, your body, expresses the vibrations of forgiveness in a way unique to you so that you know when you are in the presence of forgiveness. This is one of the magical beauties of the body, it’s gift to us, to our growing in our awareness and our ability to be in flow and present. 

So what does it mean to forgive? What is really happening?

Is forgiveness compromising your values?

Have you ever though that you or someone you know just forgives ‘too easily’? Have you thought, “I forgive too easily because I hate conflict”? Or maybe you feel you or someone you notice who is forgiving just keeps getting walked all over. 

Forgiveness does not require you to stand down, or ever give up what you believe is good and important. Getting walked all over isn’t the result of forgiveness, it’s universal law in action. 

Being walked all over is only possible if one ALREADY holds the belief that they can get walked all over, and maybe even should.

Many of us hold deep, quiet beliefs that we assume are laws of the universe, or are the way REALITY is. Beliefs like: I control other people’s feelings and actions, I can’t make them feel bad because that’s bad, I can’t cause conflict, disagreement is conflict, I have to shape my thoughts and feelings to other’s ideas or else…  I am not enough, I won’t be loved, I am not safe, I could die. I must make them happy, and feel good. 

In cases like this what is called ‘forgiveness’ is actually a bunch of words the person says, and not real forgiveness.

Can I say I have forgiven someone by not allowing even myself to feel what was true for me in that moment? 

Truth does change, but not always by pretending it isn’t there.

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FORGIVENESS IS NOT BREAKING BONDS OF KARMA; IT’S Freeing yourself and others

I have good news, or bad maybe? LOL! When you forgive another, it does not remove the effect of their action. Whatever effects of their action are due, will occur forgiven or not. For example, if I drop a mug of coffee, and quickly forgive myself as it falls, the mug shatters and coffee sprays just like it would if I screamed or cursed while it fell. I would still be left to wipe up the coffee and sweep up the pieces. 

I heard once that forgiveness, in part, is not to wish the past to be different than it was. I will disagree for a moment because it’s possible whether you wish that or not. In fact wishing it were different can even inspire you to realize what it is you really want for yourself and for that other person, can build compassion, and put your focus on what is of beauty and good in you and them. You can turn pain into wisdom with a wish, if you are curious and wanting to grow and truly liberate yourself from suffering.

People are not their behavior, and when we hang onto a sorrow, a bad deed, a infraction and live it over and over with anger, we constantly picture that person in that state of being as the abuser, or idiot, or failure, or liar. As we hold that in our mind, we often see ourselves as a victim, as innocent, as undeserving and in that brush stroke, the universe is a place that allows the innocent to be abused, and there’s nothing to do about it. 

Forgiveness is to take your attention and place it on the image of yourself and the other in your highest form instead of continually repeating the lowest form over and over in your mind. Forgiveness is a thought process of refusing to peg someone to their worst behavior, and instead to hold them in their most wonderful capability. 

But to do that without being naive requires that you do it for you. That you own fully your part in the experience, and own fully your power to create better experiences by moving your attention from the thoughts that cause suffering, and placing them on the thoughts that provide liberation and freedom. 

I don’t have to excuse an abusive parent’s behavior or forget it to forgive. I can allow the pain of the experience to become wisdom, to inform me, to provide understanding and compassion, allowing me to hold space for better outcomes rather than passing the energetics of the abuse and suffering onwards through my thoughts, feelings and actions. 

Forgiving is healing, is the end of the cycles of rebirth of thought through you. It is enlightenment. The end of the cyclical nature of rebirth, for the birth of something wonderful and new. Opportunity. Evolution. Love. 

 

 

Rebirth or Born Anew?

Reincarnation of thought as you

So many of us took on at a young age beliefs like, “I can’t disappoint anybody (or I’m dead meat). I can’t be disappointed in people I love or something is wrong with me!” “I have to heal my mom/dad. I have to help them be well! Their suffering is my problem!”
 
I’m not saying it’s rational or even that it was formulated in clear statements like that. Research might argue the opposite, that those worded concepts are representations of emotional, vibrational, energetic, felt experiences. Those form neurological networks that produce specific hormonal concoctions, nervous system responses, even genetic expression… all run by unconscious processes… they can become habit of mind/behavior. Automated.
 
In my experience, habit of mind masquerades as law of the universe. This IS the way it IS. And it is, unless we interrupt the pattern, the habit… or it gets so harsh we are brought to our knees and either numb it out or head in.
 
I often marvel at my automatic responses in some situations. Awareness is a blessing. Pain too if it is required to get my awareness. It really is the wedge that provides necessary distance to transform, to loosen the claim of reality that habits of mind can have over me, and reveal opportunities and alternatives.

The gift of Pain; the gift of awareness; the gift of the conscious mind

Awareness is just the beginning of something beautiful. As I become aware, I notice how often I’m not actually responding to the current situation, but repeating an echo of the past.
 
Reincarnation of thoughts, beliefs, living through me. Again and again, until… their cycle of reincarnation end in me, no longer pathways for their expression to live through ‘me’.
 
And it’s not so conscious. It arises before the conscious mind notices. It’s there.
 
Today a wonderful thing happened with a client that showed me again, that awareness as a practice, bringing presence to reactions that are difficult to sit with, sitting with them regardless of that pain, developing understanding and really listening… sometimes bringing paradoxical tools to the same issue… how this can result in new breakthrough realizations, opportunity for choice, even empowering responses to situations in the PRESENT.
 
Moving from helpless effect to co-creator.
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Born anew not reborn

“Matt… I am not going to solve this pain I have by solving THEIR problems. That is a pattern that is killing me. I’m always trying to make everyone else OK, trying to anticipate and control everything so I can finally feel safe… like it’s safe to finally be able to just be me, and be seen and supported… but I never feel safe doing that, and nobody really sees me. I usually end up exhausted and resenting myself.”
 
I recognized me in that too. “To be safe… I can’t be authentic… it will ruin all opportunity for attachment… I must please first even if it means damaging myself in the process.”
 

The desire for safety, authenticity and to be loved has sanctity. With the awareness of the unquestioned beliefs of HOW to get it, she understood she has options. And options she chose… creating safety in herself, and allowing the universe to respond to her new demand.

Rebirth? or Born Anew?

And in that moment, the automatic response she had learned long ago, started to lose it’s universal authority. No longer automatic, new alternatives were born from within, tied to the present, and she found an opportunity to build exactly the safety and vulnerability she desired without needing to wait for circumstances to ‘finally’ align and allow it. Without needing to take responsibility for everyone and everything else first.
 
It might seem so obvious to some, but those habits of mind… they can be really subtle. And when I reflect on the profound and beautiful breakthrough she had… well… I feel a wave of love wash over me.
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Quick Cure for Disappointment

Trade disappointment for just a little appreciation... then take another look

I had the wonderful opportunity to feel a deep appreciation for someone in my life today. It was like a wave that washed over me.

It became contagious. I started to find all sorts of little things I appreciate. And as my attention moved more to appreciation I noticed how some irritation I had been holding onto, slowly slipping into a sense of doom, some disappointment I had been carrying about something else, just lifted away.

I realized I had a distorted view and possibilities were far greater than my disappointment.

John Doe
John Doe@michelledenise.holdt
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Matt is INCREDIBLE. I worked with him for a few months and his guidance is like no other - pure magic. He led me to my own inner light and wisdom in ways I could not have gotten on my own
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Noel Bagwell@nbagwell3
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I met Matt in one of the darkest periods of loss, grief, pain and suffering... he helped me build myself better than I was before.
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Kishore Khaitan@kishore.khaitan
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Matt is superb when it comes to going deep inside oneself to uncover the underlying fears and beliefs that are holding us bakc.
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Disappointment is a process, not a state to occupy. Shifting it is as easy as flowing with the stream of life.

Disappointment when sustained as an attitude closes the mind off to alternatives, to opportunities, to potential. It might lend a short term feeling of superiority, or control… 

Sustained it can lead to arrogance, a very small world view, and false safe harbor far away from the present moment and your precious heart.

Trading just a little for a little appreciation, just feeling into what that feels like, it’s almost impossible not to feel a shift in your being, back toward your centre, compassion, calmness and presence.

The secret is… it can be appreciation about ANYTHING, even unrelated things. So the next time you find yourself disappointed say in your significant other, and your mind is starting to stew over all the things he or she is doing wrong, or isn’t doing right, and how that for sure must mean they don’t TRULY care about you… well, stop for a moment. Know you can always pick up where you left off. 

Look up, stretch your arms, and just appreciate this moment now, where nothing bad is happening. Appreciate how your cloths feel, or how you can witness beautiful things. Appreciate the taste of your favorite food, or how a giggling baby lights your soul up. 

Now, take another look at your partner in that situation. Go back to the same issue. Your perspective has shifted even just a bit, has it not? So appreciate that. And before you know it, you might find a smile on your face, and before long you can turn your disappointment into a statement about what you like, and just share that with her or him, taking responsibility for your emotional destiny. 

And all it took, was to trade a little disappointment for little appreciation. 

 
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Imagination & The Power to Heal

Imagination - it's more powerful than you imagine

Imagination has a fantastic healing power. Yes, healing. 

Pause for a moment and consider your imagination. Are you aware of it? What do you think of when you read the word, or hear me say, “Imagination”? 

Some people think, oh it’s just escapism. Imagination is what little kids do to ‘make believe’, to live outside reality. Some think it’s day dreaming about the things they want in life, like a mixture of wishing and pining. Others think that it’s only for artists or creative people, and that they just aren’t creative,  “I don’t have an imagination, or rarely use it. Who cares it’s not dealing with reality.” 

But it might surprise you to know, that you are incredibly creative, and conscious of it or not, you are actually creative daily, and your imagination is well in tact, and actually effecting your well being, your emotions, your energy, your physical health and your response to situations. 

Imagination has instant physical outcomes

Imagine for a second you have a nice, fresh lemon in your left hand. Really feel it there, feel its weight, the texture… it’s fresh, ripe and filled with flavor. Feel it there and imagine you can smell the aroma coming from within it. Now imagine pealing it a little as it erupts mists of powerful lemon scent! 

Did you start to salivate? Did your mouth start to get prepared for fresh sour lemon?  YES! If not, do it again, and really let yourself feel it! It’s simple and easy. Close your eyes if you need to. 

Now, where’s the lemon? Where is it? Well… if you’re like me, it’s all in your imagination. There is no lemon. 

Imagine now you have to meet someone you don’t like. How often are you imagining things like this where you are creating a reality in your mind and not realizing that it’s your imagination and it’s not really happening? The body, the unconscious mind, doesn’t think about time or space. Whatever you powerfully imagine with feeling is REAL to it. Just like a powerful dream. 

So you’re thinking of how to avoid that person, what to say to her (or not say), what she is going to say to you, or how he is going to behave toward you. You can see them, hear them, feel them, and more, you have a clear imagination of you. In the mean time, what’s happening with your body? Your body is building neural networks, producing hormones, sending messages to the hormone centres fo the body, and creating an environment that your genetic production responds to. 

And yet… it’s all happening in imagination. 

It’s not limited to ‘realistic’ images… it’s feelings, it’s symbolic, it’s metaphorical, its sensing… beyond thinking and analyzing 

So, when I say ‘imagination’, I don’t mean imagine winning the lottery or getting your soul mate although that too can be of benefit.

Healing modalities like those Tony Robbins uses, or Gabor Mate, even Byron Katie, or people like me who use NLP and Reiki, compassionate inquiry, hypnosis and inner family systems, make powerful use of the imagination beyond literal and logical thought. 

You want to learn how to start doing this? Do you want to harness your imagination with purpose, grace and ease… for GOOD? Book a call https://bit.ly/3P3VPRG 

Beyond the manifestation industry, imagination when used with curiosity, love and positive intent, can provide instant healing to emotional triggers, negative thought loops, resentment, shame, and even end habitual unconscious reactions that perpetuate negative outcomes.

It’s so powerful it can seem impossible. But when belief to the necessity of pain is broken, and openness to healing is nurtured, this wonderful imagination that we all have built in, can result in the miraculous.

Presence & Transformation

Presence opens doors to healing where healing means becoming whole

The more presence I can bring to a feeling, the more I can sit with it without agenda – without the drive to kill it, change it, or ‘just get rid of it’, to hate it, judge it, feel ashamed of it, or just want it GONE – the more understanding and compassion and healing is possible.

What happens when you feel heard, seen, witnessed and there’s no pressure on you to change or modify anything? Have you had that? Where a person just holds space? I relax. I trust. I get calmer. I open. I start to shift.

Consider this analogy

If you were sitting at work, and your boss came in and she SCREAMED at you, “What the fuck is this shit? This is such garbage I can’t even BELIEVE you would submit this? You are a fucking embarrassment, I hate you and want you OUT OF MY FUCKING COMPANY NOW!”  – then through a report at you and stormed away, would you have any understanding of what the hell just happened? Assuming of course you were exerting reasonable to excellent effort to do well, and not like… stealing or something. 

If you are a boss, and you went into an employee’s office and did that, would you expect them to know what you were talking about? 

Yet so often, we have a behavior, or a feeling like loneliness, sadness, anger, frustration, resentment, anxiety… but we act like that bad boss. What if that FEELING was actually a very EARNEST employee looking to serve you? In this case, fire that emotion all you want, it won’t go anywhere… more likely it will double down. Drown it in booze, numb it with sex or Netflix… it’ll be there, after the drugs wear off.

Take a paradoxical approach

What happens when I bring that same presence to feelings? To attitudes, behaviours or even beliefs I can’t seem to ‘shake’? What if I approach them with the intent just to hold space, maybe with some awareness, curiosity and the intention to understand.

Well, they soften. They calm. And the opportunity for understanding starts to present itself. They speak to me, and even answer my questions. 

This is healing. No longer a victim to your emotions, you become the unifying factor, the one who brings their higher intentions to light, who reveals the insights they have for your betterment, growth and success.

Sometimes presence, awareness without agenda, is enough to open the door to new understanding, growth and transformation. A part of alchemy – of turning hell into heaven.

Having a hard time achieving this? Book a call and experience it right away. 

To me or FOR me?

To Say 'everything happens for me' is something to feel into.

I am asking you a simple question: do you believe that everything happens TO you or FOR you? 

The call to embrace that ‘things happen FOR me’ seems to be something that many healers, spiritual people, entrepreneurs, manifestation industry pros and mindset masters ask. I’m not asking you to embrace it. I’m asking you to consider it more deeply so you can truly feel it and open to more love. 

Sound good?

Despite these spiritual mindset snippets appearing here and there, they are not mere expressions. They can actually be practices, states of being, and bring new experiences and growth into life. Look, it’s easy to say, ‘Ya, totally I gotta BELIEVE that things happen for me I totally do! All good things are coming.’ Do you know what I mean?

Often I find we like the idea if we believe that saying it will bring PLEASURABLE things, things we think we want or need to BE happy. For an improved future state. 

Oh my loves, that is the path to pain, disappointment and doubt in all that is good.  

Things happen 'for' me! (as long as they are good things)

So what happens when I really embody the belief? Allow myself to open up to it. 

Join me for a moment. Feel it. Go beyond the mind, and feel it in your body, feel it radiating from all around you into you, feel it radiating from you all around you. All things that I experience are for my greater good, for the best, for me.

When I allow myself to open to it fully and feel it i feel a deep relaxation, like I can ‘let go’ of always trying to control things or worry….

If I follow further the feeling and embody it like I fully believe, I enter a state of complete loving and realize there is nothing to feel but gratitude.

If I am out of gratitude, hating what IS, thinking my circumstances are opposed to my desires, to my dreams, to my potential, that people, places and things are always IN MY WAY then do I really believe that ALL things happen for me? What if I think even ONE person, event or circumstance is opposed to what is good for me?

To believe that all things happen FOR you is to LOVE WHAT IS. And that is a practice, not an expression. It is something worth consideration, embracing, trying on, and sinking in.

Am I in a state of perpetual loving gratitude? If not I can realize I’m believing something more along the lines that happens DON’T happen FOR ME, they are in opposition, a distraction or worse. 

If you find this, here’s a hack: REJOICE!

That’s right. Rejoice the pain and suffering of it. “For this I am truly grateful so I can become aware of beliefs I have about circumstances and events that perpetuate suffering and pain.”

If you’re looking to work more in alignment with the universe, to work more in alignment with what is good and great about you and life, to open to greater love and possibility, more flow, improved sense of self, book a no-obligation free strategy call and let’s get you opening to wonder of your own being: https://bit.ly/3P3VPRG

Awareness Short Video

awareness is the foundation of all awakening and transformation

Awareness is simple. It is also foundational to meaningful healing. This is an easy to follow introduction to practicing awareness. You may be surprised how effortless it is just to bring your awareness to thought. Again, this is a simple introduction that will take under 10 minutes.

No need to judge, shame, blame or even try to get rid of thought

Normally we are assenting to our thoughts, beliefs and concepts without knowing what they are, or how they are effecting us physically, mentally, emotionally and even karmically. Awareness helps us become calm, offers more clarity, allows us to perceive and learn, to build understanding and eventually choice.

Sometimes it’s by becoming aware of our body, our emotions, our focus, our breath that the causal thoughts then avail themselves to us. Other times, we are able to become of aware of our thoughts, then become aware of how those thoughts are impacting our lives when we believe or act as if, they are true. Either way is of benefit.

The unedited, uncut, rawness of this video is INTENTIONAL. It is meant to break form from high production. The rawness of it can evoke just as a well produced video can evoke. It is the candid nature of this video that offers you a launching pad for the practice of awareness.

This is not about self help, changing your mind, silencing your thought, or to get you to aspire to a lifestyle. This is about awareness, for it is awareness that acts as a foundation for transformation. It just may be true that we never respond to the way things are, but to our concepts of the way things are, and that we may only ever have concepts of the way things are. Awareness is the foundation of all awakening, and it is simple to begin now.

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